Fear

I consider myself to be a relatively brave person but there are several things that scare my pants off. For example, my fear of making a complete fool of myself in front of an attractive guy means that the more I like someone, the less I say around them. Also, I’m so terrified of being forced to play volleyball or baseball (or some other sport I have no idea about) that if a game is being organized I try to blend into the scenery and disappear. However, the top spot on the “Aimee Heyer List of Scary Stuff” belongs to spiders.

When I was 4 I didn’t go to the bathroom all day because there was a Daddy-Long-Legs behind the toilet bowl. By the time my mother found me hopping around the yard with my legs crossed the idea that all spiders were out to ruin my life was firmly re-enforced in my mind.

Where I live in Angola, Africa there are poisonous snakes and scorpions, hyenas and leopards, and fun diseases like Malaria and Typhoid. There are also a LOT of spiders.

The first night that I was there I was escorted to the big empty house that was going to be my home, pointed to my bed which was one of the only pieces of furniture, and then left to my own devices. No one had lived in that house in many years and to my HORROR there was a big spider sitting on my pillow. It was a good three inches across and by the time I had killed it, stripped the bed, looked between the covers and underneath and finally crawled between the sheets every nerve was on edge. Then in the pitch darkness of the post-midnight hours I was awakened by the most unearthly racket in the attic. There were scratchy, panicky little footfalls and bigger heavier ones chasing up and down over my bed, JUST on the other side of a very thin ceiling board. Then, right over my head, Heavy-feet caught Scampery-feet and started to kill him Scampery-feet screamed and shrieked and then there was sudden silence. I have never been so frightened in my life! I was shaking and from head to toe. There was no way I was going to get out of that bed and put my bare feet down on the spidery floor to walk to the light switch that would have bathed the room in watery, battery powered light. I just pulled the covers over my head and wished with all my heart that I was safe in my Canadian bedroom.

The next morning when I picked up a towel to dry my hands I was stung by a scorpion. Granted, it was only a baby scorpion but it hurt like the dickens and unnerved me further. What was this place I had come to, I wondered, where things killed other things in the attic and spiders dozed on my bed and I couldn’t even pick up a towel without being accosted by a poisonous critter??

Over the next few days I became so paranoid that I would jump if a leaf brushed my cheek or a shadow moved on the floor, and sleep became more and more difficult. Finally one day I had had enough. I marched to my suitcase and pulled out the box of wax crayons that I had brought along to do crafts with the village kids. Then I dug through my papers until I found one with a blank back. Flipping it over I wrote Ps. 4:8 as well as I could remember it, “I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.” Then I taped it to the wall opposite my bed where it would be the last thing I saw each night and the first thing I woke to in the morning. “I will lie down and sleep in peace,” I would quote over and over as I lay in the darkness, “For you, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.” Fear left, tranquility reigned and I slept sweetly in the arms of my Savior.

I hate fear! I think fear is one of the top reasons that we don’t live in the fullness of all that God has for each of us. There is fear of failure, fear of physical harm, fear of rejection, fear of unhappiness or financial need….and yes, fear of spiders. One of the biggest and most sneaky lies Satan feeds us is this: “If you say yes to God/go into missions/ give to this ministry/ take this risk, you will regret it! You won’t have enough, you’ll be unhappy, you’ll get hurt! Be smart and look out for number one.”

I however have come to believe that there is only ONE great risk in the life of a Christian…one horrible danger that is truly worth fearing,… and that is the danger of being so wrapped up in taking care of ourselves that we miss some of what God has planned for us! …That we fall short in our usefulness to God because we play it safe for so long that we never accomplish anything… That our relationship with Friend and Master becomes stale and boring because we never let Him lead us into situations where we really need to rely on Him.

I visited a tiny little country church in Saskatchewan last Sunday and they sang a hymn I had never heard before. I had to fight back the tears as we sang “Anywhere I Go with Jesus I am Safe.”

I am a blonde, 27 year old Canadian girl living deep in the African bush and the question I am most frequently asked is this: “Aren’t you afraid???” I can honestly answer, “No. I know God doesn’t promise that nothing bad will ever happen to us, but I TRUST my Master. I would rather sleep with a spider in the African bush knowing that I am in the centre of God’s will than be spider free and out of it.”

Like the hymn says, “Anywhere I Go with Jesus I am Safe.”

“Jesus came and told his disciples, “I have been given all authority in heaven and on earth. Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Mt. 28:18-20

Aimee

Aimee is heading back to Angola as a full-time missionary. She has a heart and passion for the people of Angola to meet her saviour, Jesus.