Strength in Weakness

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, 

for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, 

so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, 

I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. 

For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-11

Ughhh. My face still burns when I think about it. Those stunned faces as I lurched toward them with a full tray of sparkling beverages in fancy glasses. The chaos that ensued after I hit the floor and said beverages splattered and drenched formal clothes and carefully styled hair. Ughh. Just, ughhh.

I was an RA in college, there was a formal opening of a new building on campus, lots of important guests, and the student leaders were serving. Whoever decided it was a good idea to put me in formal shoes and hand me a tray of liquid in fragile containers really should have spoken with my mother. She would have told them it wasn’t a good idea. But there I was, eager to do well in my leadership role and telling myself, “You’ve got this.” And then that wretched half-step. You know the one that catches you off guard and sends you stumbling.

For a moment or two after I scrambled to my feet, I stood totally frozen in place, unable to move, just watching the scene unfold in front of me like an out-of-body experience. People were rushing around, grabbing napkins, moving people out of the way of broken glass, probably toweling off (just saying some folks got wet)…

I totally could have stayed cool. I could’ve apologized profusely, made a little self-deprecating joke, helped clean up, and served some new drinks. I could have done that. Or… I could have done what I actually did.

I turned around and ran out of the room. Through the hallways, out of the building and fully across campus to my dorm where I could sneak quietly into my room and be alone with my shame and berate myself in peace.

This would have been a fine plan, if three of my girls were not sitting in the lounge when I rushed in. They saw my wet clothes and stricken face and rushed to me. “What’s wrong???  What happened??  Are you okay??”

And I burst into tears. Me, the older, mature leader, appointed to mentor and guide these young women. In tears. And not delicate tears slipping gently down my cheeks. No. Huge, snotty, gasping, sobbing, ugly-cry tears. Accompanied by angry embarrassment. I distinctly remember saying, “I’m SUCH a clumsy idiot!! Why did I even think I could do it?!”

What’s worse than spilling a tray of drinks on couples in fancy clothes? Bawling like a baby about it and being held and consoled by kids, KIDS, who were supposed to respect me and look up to me and believe I had it all together!! I eventually collected myself, apologized, and slipped to the shower to clean up and cry some more. I was pretty sure I had totally blown the entire year – and it was only the first week…

But somehow, to my utter amazement and astonishment, the year wasn’t “blown” at all. Somehow, seeing me at a moment of total weakness humanized me to these young women. They had seen their leader humiliated and awkward and sad. And in ways I cannot fully comprehend, this opened the way for trust and relationship that would have taken much longer to build if I’d just had it all together. This very humbling experience actually paved the way for much deeper, authentic, and often raw communication in our dorm.

It’s another paradox. With God, we live and we lead most effectively from our places of weakness. This is so upside-down from the culture that we live in, and we resist it all the time. We hold on tight to what we can control. We guard our hearts and build walls to prevent others from seeing our imperfections. We spend an enormous amount of energy managing the image we present to the world. And in so doing, we move further and further from the place of vulnerability and openness where God can shape us and use us.

The reason it is true, that “when I am weak, then I am strong,” is because we give God space to work when we acknowledge that we are not in control. When we are weak and just can’t get it together on our own and everyone around us knows it… we are in the perfect position to allow God to move through us in ways we could NEVER do in our own strength.

May we unburden ourselves from the pressure to have it all together. May we release the need to project and maintain our image. May we be willing to be exposed in our weakness, in order to experience God’s grace and strength in new and unexpected ways.

Arlene M.