LET. GO.

I just ran in to grab SOMETHING – I don’t even remember what I went in for – and saw that my floors had enough ‘leftovers’ on them to feed a small army. The washing machine had stopped, which meant I needed to empty the dryer (into the basket also known as the air hockey table). “I should throw in another load” I think to myself, tidy up a few things in the basement. I go back upstairs and see a few dishes that should be put in the dishwasher, which has clean dishes in it. Empty said dishwasher and fill it again, go back outside, sit down at my computer and remember what I went inside for in the FIRST PLACE!! Is it just me or is the list of things needing to be done in a day getting longer by the minute?

And there is a voice in my head saying “let go.” Let go of your expectations. Let go of your own ideas of what ‘life’ looks like. Let go of the expectations of everyone around you.

LET. GO.

I sit back in my chair and watch my kids splash around in the pool. I let the warm summer breeze wash over me and I breathe deep. Deep in my heart I know this moment is never going to happen again and I should enjoy it, but my mind can’t help but think of all of the things I need to get done.

My journey this year has been a tough one. I’ve learned immeasurably more than I have in the collective years I’ve lived before this one! I’ve learned that NOT letting go becomes a poisonous and constrictor-like snake that slithers in and slowly, ever so slowly, suffocates and chokes the spirit of God right out of me. This snake-like spirit sits in our churches, in our schools, in our workplaces and without us knowing it takes our breath away; the very breath that God breathed into us, the very breath we use to praise Him, the breath we use to utter our thankfulness to Him, the breath we use to LIVE and LET GO. As I sit here writing this I, again, am moved to tears at the graciousness of God and His perfect love. Letting go is HARD, it’s conscious, it’s deliberate and it’s the only way to survive this crazy, beautiful, wonderful life. The laundry will get done. While I’m enjoying the laughter of my children across the yard I’m PRETTY SURE there isn’t a sweet little vacuum fairy inside sucking up last night’s dried spaghetti. (I just checked, and in fact my little fairy friend must have had other plans, the spaghetti remains.)

On my refrigerator door sits a picture I took on a beautiful vacation a few years back. I reminds me to LET GO and LET GOD do and be and move in me.  It reminds me that when I don’t let go, the little things become the big things and the big things become the very things that destroy me and suffocate me. For me, letting go means taking an inventory of the things I can control, those I can’t control, those I want to control and the things I feel are out of control. My list gets smaller everyday – with extreme prayer and faith. And along with that comes great peace and joy and a greater revelation of who I am, whose I am and who He’s creating me to be. It’s a journey. It’s a hard one. But I refuse to let my spirit be panicked as I watch my kids grow up before my eyes, life change, circumstances arise. I choose to LET GO. I choose to separate my head and my heart and let the Spirit of God bring peace to my restless soul. I continue to journey to wholeness and draw nearer to the only one who will bring that journey to completeness. I won’t hear my kids say “mom, come outside and watch me jump into the pool, watch me ride my bike, watch me pass this level on my DS, watch me to a flip on the trampoline (I MAY not watch this one . . .)”. I won’t hear them say it because I will be right beside them, letting go of MY expectations of today and the things that I HAVE to do and enjoy a few things that I WANT to do. These moments are fleeting . . . these days are short and I’m letting go . . .

“So Jesus rebuked the wind and the raging waves. The storm stopped and all was calm!” Luke 8:24b

Tara W.