Church in the Classifieds

Have you recently visited the classified section of the newspaper? You know...the place where people are offering their services or looking for relationships? Most people are trying to put their best foot forward, accentuate the positive and maximize their strengths. As a piano teacher looking for prospective students, I would state something like “Friendly, highly educated, energetic piano teacher with 20 years experience now accepting students”. This might be more effective than, say, “Apathetic, somewhat educated, easily annoyed piano teacher with no experience now accepting students as long as they aren't lazy, whiny or rude”. Notice the subtle differences.

No one looking for a relationship in the classifieds mentions that they’re emotionally needy or that they’re the World’s Biggest Nag or that they possess a nose-picking compulsion. Every lady posting an ad is “blonde, blue-eyed, 5’6’, 120 pounds, loves to cook and will take care of you”. By the third date, most fellas are going to figure out that the ad may have left out a few crucial details.

How do we sell our churches? I suspect most church websites (mine included) profess to be a safe place, where people can belong and be part of a family, a place where you can find healing, etc. This is not wrong. As churches, this is what we aspire to. But it does not always reflect our reality as a group of selfish humans fumbling toward grace.

You don’t have to hang around a church too long before thinking, “Back up the train, this isn’t what the website said!” Church can be a messed up place. We’ve wounded one another. We’ve made promises that have not been kept – promises that are perhaps impossible to keep (ie. safe place...is it possible to guarantee someone’s safety?). We’ve marginalized others who aren’t like us. Sometimes it’s a case of being tired/hungry/lonely/stressed and taking it out on others.

When we as believers make mistakes, it can be tempting to gloss over or make a vague statement about a situation or get defensive and pass off the blame. These responses can feel disingenuous and hollow-hearted. They do not honour God. Maybe the best approach is to say “Hey guys, I made the wrong call and I’m sorry” or “I realize what I said might have been hurtful and I need your forgiveness” or “Whoa Nelly! That choice I made was pretty selfish...can you forgive me?” ...as terrifying as that is.

I would respond to a church classified ad that sounded like this:

We are a community who is trying to figure out this whole loving Jesus and loving people thing. Sometimes we get it right. Sometimes we get it very wrong. We would love for you to come and figure it out with us. We can’t promise you will never get hurt. Someone will disappoint you. Someone will say something stupid. Sometimes that someone will be you. When that happens, we will humble ourselves, admit wrongdoing and administer forgiveness in the spirit of reconciliation. We will invite God to make something beautiful out of something ugly. We will invite God’s grace to cover our brokenness and ask that His strength be made perfect in our weakness. Then we can come out on the other side of hurt and disappointment and share the grace and gospel of Jesus with others because we have experienced it together.

Brenda E.