Dream Extravagantly

On a beautiful fall walk a couple of years ago my husband asked me a question that became like a knife in my gut.

“What are your dreams?”, he asked.

I walked in stunned silence for a bit, biting my lip and blinking furiously to try to keep my tears from making their way down my cold, freckled cheeks.

I think my answer was something like “Uhhh, I... uhhh.. what? Hmmmm... Aaaand then the tears started...  and they didn't stop... for a LONG time.

He held my hand, looked in my eyes and gently said “You used to dream. You've stopped dreaming because someone told you that you weren't good enough and you weren't smart enough. Dream. Dream extravagantly. Dream the impossible because God says you can.”

Those words haunted me for a long time. Dream extravagantly. What does that even look like? What were the things that God had birthed in me years before? What were the things I’d wanted to BE, to DO? What were my seemingly ‘impossible dreams’?

The journey to ‘dream again’ has not been always easy, pretty or nice. It has been met with tears, frustration and maybe even some stern word exchanges between God and I (well, more so on MY part . . .)

In one afternoon where I took an inventory of the things I LOVED and things I was passionate about I became increasingly agitated. My list included things like worship, nursing school, missions, photography and social injustice. If God created these passions in me how could they be so far apart? A few of them could run together, but Worship and Nursing school? Really? And now, which direction should I go in? Should I pursue music? Nursing? A few deep breaths and I closed my notepad of lists and did something more constructive with my time – like Facebook or Instagram!

A few weeks later came a request from a beautiful friend of mine asking if I would want to lead worship for a Woman’s Retreat being held at her church. I didn't hesitate long to answer with a bellowing ‘YES’. Worship, it was on my ‘list’! The theme of the weekend was ‘Women of Passionate Purpose’ (even now I smirk at the creativeness of Christ and His sense of humor.)

As I listened to Kourtnay speak about finding the things we were passionate about and DOING them, my spirit began to get restless again. Was this a gentle nudge, or a blatant PUSH of the edge of the cliff? As any worship leader will tell you, leading worship for these events changes the dynamic of the retreat. Altar calls for me are spent at the piano not at the actual altar, and although God has spoken to me more times than I can count while I quietly worshiped at the piano (I actually received the Holy Spirit sitting at the piano during an altar call) my mind is sometimes concentrating on what God is speaking to me about the songs and not necessarily on the message that was just spoken. On that particular Saturday night Kourtnay was gearing up for an altar call and I was listening for what song I was going to sing. As she wound down her message she looked directly at me and said ‘no music’. Because I head up the music ministry in the church I am often the one who leads worship for any special event and therefore hadn't sat at the altar during a service for a long time. Her question for us to ask at the altar was this “what is God calling YOU to be, what is YOUR purpose?” I put my notebook down and prepared to walk the winding path towards the altar. Tears streaming down my face (altar times get me EVERYTIME, even if ONE person comes to the altar during a service I immediately tear up) I prepared to stand up and then came the audible voice, “I want you to be a nurse in Medical Missions”. That was it. After that came the silence. There has never been another word spoken about it. I just KNEW. Where, God? When, God? Silence. But the voice was real. It was loud. And, I. just. Knew.

It was a few months later as I was rehashing the weekends notes and events when I realized the answer to one of my frustrating questions: “If God created these passions in me, how could they be so far apart?”  Here’s how: When God burns passion in you He will bring them all together to intertwine and intersect in creative and crazy ways. God used a weekend of me leading worship to speak to me about nursing. Then God brought me to the Philippines, to a place I love, to a city called Malabon, where these beautiful people are denied any medical care because of their extreme poverty. I worked alongside a nurse in the medical line – loving, praying, healing, checking x-rays, giving medicine, bringing hope. I've used my camera to tell the stories of the children in the far corners of the world who have no voice and I've been invited to India to be part of the ground work of rescuing young girls caught in the sex trade industry. I still can’t help but smile as I see Gods hand in all of it. ALL. OF. It!

Along the way I've learned that it’s not about WHAT I do, it’s about WHO I AM. The things that I’m passionate about, those are all things that God has put within me. They are part of my DNA. They are who I am. My dreams are not just mine, they are put there by a creative genius who knows exactly who I am and has created me that way to facilitate the things He wants me to do.

And so the journey continues for me. I begin Nursing school on September 1^st. A new chapter of learning and trusting and KNOWING. Knowing that I’m right where I belong. Knowing that in committing my work to him, my plans will succeed (Proverbs 16:3). And also knowing THIS: “It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.” Ephesians 1:11

So I encourage you to dream. Dream HUGE. Dream the impossible. Dream with Jesus. It’s worth it. And although none of it may make any sense, and all of it may seem ludicrous  remember that God thrives in the impossible. Ask Abraham, or better yet, ask Sarah. Ask Hannah. Ask Leah. Ask Ruth. Ask Esther. Ask Jesus. 

^“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21

Tara W.