Sitting across the table was a Lawyer I didn't know, talking about stuff I wasn't sure about, and hearing things in such rapid succession I didn't really know what was going on. That was my introduction to our settling in Panama and trying to get our immigration and banking issues sorted. Integration and immigration were two words I had not dealt with since our arrival in Africa in 1992. The changes and situations that we faced that day at the lawyers office and the days to come intensified. Life would never be the same for me.
The trouble with change is that it takes me out of MY comfort zone! It makes demands on my life and emotions. Change does not pause until I am right with it! It just keeps going.
For me drastic changes, like a move to a foreign country, become more difficult as we get older. Being in my mid 40's at the time, was challenging because I was more set in my ways. I wanted to anticipate what was next. That is not always guaranteed.
The process of big changes began before we even left for Panama. We sold our home and all our belongings and stored all of the stuff we didn't sell. A family graciously said we could live with them until we were to leave for Panama, which turned out to be 8 months. As we left our home in Saskatoon and locked the doors never to return I felt very odd. The land of limbo is a desert place for most of us as women.
Women are nurturers and nesters. When doing so is a struggle, we find it hard to settle and come to grips with the changes that are around us. I know many women experience this and much worse things than what I have described to you. Yet it does not diminish the facts of what change does to us.
The next big change was the aspect of ministry to which we were called. This was a whole new world. It wasn't like pastoring a church, where for 20 years I could anticipate the next step. In this situation I didn't know the next step. For James, the plan was crystal clear. He had a vision and he knew how to get it done. For me, I wondered for quite a while. Mainly because I was trying to do things I had never done before.
What was my response? Many times the tears would run down my face in desperation to know what I am supposed to do. The temptation was constantly to just do nothing, in hopes it will go away, which we know never happens!
It didn't take long for a divine intervention to happen. The one who sent me to Panama promised that he would keep me and equip me. As I prayed and cried out to the Father his gentle kindness was my portion. He showed me that I needed, with all diligence to seek first the Kingdom of God. (Matthew 6:33) That sounds very easy, but it took discipline. It took laying down my ideas. I started to set my eyes to seek Him in all things, not the answers, not the knowledge or asking Him to remove the difficulties, but just get my eyes on Him and watch Him work.
As promised, He did such profound things in me. He helped me depend on him. He gave me wisdom to do what was required. He supernaturally provided help with things we couldn't do. He IS my very present help!
As I have traversed through these last few years, He continues to encourage me. I found another verse that I pray every day, because changes do not cease to come. Isaiah 28:29 says " All this also comes from the Lord Almighty, whose plan is wonderful, whose wisdom is magnificent."
Change - Marvellous?! or Meltdown?!
Colleen
Colleen was born and raised on the prairies and spent many years pastoring
and leading alongside her husband in ministry. They currently live in Panama
and minister into the lives of global workers in Latin America and
the Caribbean. They very much miss there family and grandchildren back
in Canada.
https://www.facebook.com/LACMinistries.org
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